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Ask Gilly – Why isn’t he calling me?

Updated: Jan 7, 2019

Why isn't he calling me?

I went on a date with a guy I met on Tinder. Everything went great, we had a fun conversation and laughed a lot, had a few drinks and ended up at his place. We had sex and it was amazing, but now he kinda dropped off the face of the planet. He’ll text me once in a while but with no particular regularity and it’s always something sexual.

I really thought we had a connection and really like him but why isn’t he calling me?

He’s blowing you off. He wanted to get laid and he got what he wanted so he’s moved on to the next one. I’ve had this conversation with way too many of my girlfriends, so I’ll anticipate and respond to the questions you’ll now want to ask me:

But he still texts me once in a while so doesn’t that mean he’s interested?

Yes, but he’s not interested for the same reason you are. Most likely he’s a serial dater who uses Tinder to get him some. He’s still texting you occasionally because on the off chance that his dating prospects dry up, he wants to know he can call you to hook up again. He figures an occasional text will convince you that he’s still interested. Seems like that’s working for him, or else you wouldn’t be asking me for my advice.

But the sex was so good and we had fun so why wouldn’t he want to see me again?

Because he doesn’t want to have any kind of ongoing relationship with you. Why? Because people who are looking for one night stands want exactly that. He’s most likely keeping a distance because although he’d like to know you’re still in line for an occasional booty call, he wants to make sure you realize that’s all it’s ever going to be.

What can I do to change his mind?

Nothing. My only advice to you if you’re looking for something more serious is to delete his info and move on. A guy who wants more than a one night stand would make that very clear in the days after your first date by staying in touch regularly and making plans to see you again.

There is nothing wrong with a one night stand. It’s unfortunate that even today, a lot of women feel “slutty” or “stupid” when things don’t work out after casual sex. I think it’s very important to really consider what it is you want before having sex with a guy. If you’re looking for more than just one night, you’re going to feel pretty icky if that’s all it ends up being.

If you’re looking for a casual hookup, then by all means go for it! We women deserve to get ours too!

However, if you’re looking for a relationship, which it sounds like you are, I recommend going on a few dates with someone and really getting to know the kind of person they are before having sex with them. What’s the rush to the bedroom?

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